Waiting for the Divorce Papers
How is it possible,
that twenty years ago
we were in love...
seeing you, my heart trembled
wildly like maracas,
and we "danced like loons",
everyone said,
but we danced more like rushing grebes,
and that's how I imagined
we would always be,
like courting grebes,
facing life together
like those couples with splayed feet
striding ecstatically
across a pond’s surface,
kicking up light.
Waiting for the Divorce Papers
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- Posts: 1987
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Waiting for the Divorce Papers
Yes, but I would like to see more of the anguish
in the process of divorce, a wider story.
I think the metaphors take over too much
clever but poems are more than metaphors.
' seeing you, my heart trembled
wildly like maracas,'
Maybe:
When seeing you my heart trembled
like the chatter of pairs of maracas
in a tango
Last three line so of the poem are excellent;
in the process of divorce, a wider story.
I think the metaphors take over too much
clever but poems are more than metaphors.
' seeing you, my heart trembled
wildly like maracas,'
Maybe:
When seeing you my heart trembled
like the chatter of pairs of maracas
in a tango
Last three line so of the poem are excellent;
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- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Waiting for the Divorce Papers
Thanks, Ieuan