Without Rhyme or Reason
Posted: 17 Aug 2022, 21:40
Michael
Thank you.
Hi All
I have problem with the penultimate line. Can someone suggest any edits?
S
V3
I needed to know if there were cicadas at Avalanche.
On the other side of the valley, giant rhododendrons bloomed.
Already my son was making a ruckus, asking that we leave.
Where else in South India could one see solid ice?
At an elevated altitude, I chose to walk behind our cottage
following a cicada trail of whistling droning song, my rib cage
was tight with the pressure of the atmosphere. When I could
climb no higher, I re-winded a trail that unravelled a mystery.
It was very cold. I had hoped to see the ‘ice’. ‘Let us leave,'
he had said, as if he could spot the spirits of the place.
If it had been my daughter, it would have been heed-able
but here he was, without rhyme or reason asking us to retreat.
Just then it stormed. Not wind or sand or dust, but insects--
sheet after Sholapur sheet of gathering swarms
like in the movies.
V2
I needed to know if there were cicadas at Avalanche
on the other side of the valley bloomed giant rhododendrons
already my son was making a ruckus asking that we leave
where else in South India could one see solid ice?
At an elevated altitude, I chose to walk behind our cottage
following a cicada trail of whistling droning song, my rib cage
was tight with the pressure of the atmosphere. When I could
climb no higher, I re-winded a trail that unravelled a mystery.
It was very cold. I had hoped to see the ‘ice’. ‘Let us leave,'
he had said, as if he could spot the spirits of the place.
If it had been my daughter, it would have been heed-able
but here he was, without rhyme or reason asking us to retreat.
Just then it stormed. Not wind or sand or dust, but insects--
power- loom Sholapur bedsheets rushing out of all the town factories
like in the movies.
V1
Needed to know if there were cicadas at Avalanche
on the other side of the valley giant rhododendrons-
already my son was making a ruckus asking that we leave
where else in South India could one see real ice?
At such an elevated altitude , I chose to walk behind our cottage
following a cicada trail of whistling droning song, my rib cage was tight
with the pressure of the atmosphere. When I could climb no higher
I re-winded a trail that unravelled some kind of a mystery.
It was very cold. I had hoped to see the ‘ice’. ‘ Let us leave
he had said as if he could spot the spirits of the place.
If it had been my daughter, it would have been believable
but here he was, without rhyme or reason asking us to retreat.
Just then it stormed. Not wind or sand or dust, but insects
like Sholapur bedsheets. That is how it happened.
Thank you.
Hi All
I have problem with the penultimate line. Can someone suggest any edits?
S
V3
I needed to know if there were cicadas at Avalanche.
On the other side of the valley, giant rhododendrons bloomed.
Already my son was making a ruckus, asking that we leave.
Where else in South India could one see solid ice?
At an elevated altitude, I chose to walk behind our cottage
following a cicada trail of whistling droning song, my rib cage
was tight with the pressure of the atmosphere. When I could
climb no higher, I re-winded a trail that unravelled a mystery.
It was very cold. I had hoped to see the ‘ice’. ‘Let us leave,'
he had said, as if he could spot the spirits of the place.
If it had been my daughter, it would have been heed-able
but here he was, without rhyme or reason asking us to retreat.
Just then it stormed. Not wind or sand or dust, but insects--
sheet after Sholapur sheet of gathering swarms
like in the movies.
V2
I needed to know if there were cicadas at Avalanche
on the other side of the valley bloomed giant rhododendrons
already my son was making a ruckus asking that we leave
where else in South India could one see solid ice?
At an elevated altitude, I chose to walk behind our cottage
following a cicada trail of whistling droning song, my rib cage
was tight with the pressure of the atmosphere. When I could
climb no higher, I re-winded a trail that unravelled a mystery.
It was very cold. I had hoped to see the ‘ice’. ‘Let us leave,'
he had said, as if he could spot the spirits of the place.
If it had been my daughter, it would have been heed-able
but here he was, without rhyme or reason asking us to retreat.
Just then it stormed. Not wind or sand or dust, but insects--
power- loom Sholapur bedsheets rushing out of all the town factories
like in the movies.
V1
Needed to know if there were cicadas at Avalanche
on the other side of the valley giant rhododendrons-
already my son was making a ruckus asking that we leave
where else in South India could one see real ice?
At such an elevated altitude , I chose to walk behind our cottage
following a cicada trail of whistling droning song, my rib cage was tight
with the pressure of the atmosphere. When I could climb no higher
I re-winded a trail that unravelled some kind of a mystery.
It was very cold. I had hoped to see the ‘ice’. ‘ Let us leave
he had said as if he could spot the spirits of the place.
If it had been my daughter, it would have been believable
but here he was, without rhyme or reason asking us to retreat.
Just then it stormed. Not wind or sand or dust, but insects
like Sholapur bedsheets. That is how it happened.