Lifelong

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
User avatar
Billy
Posts: 1241
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Lifelong

#1 Post by Billy » 17 Sep 2022, 00:11

Lifelong

They don't seem like much now,
the busted and the ones limping alone
filtered through sieves

of pure thought salvaged
from hundreds of years lying dormant
only to rise up in our sleep,

in the vacuum of dreams without judgment,
until morning and the roar of the sun
hungry for more living,

for the delusion that night never existed,
and the butterflies ramble on
in what little they know of time and tears.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2298
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Lifelong

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 Sep 2022, 05:29

I’m not sure if I follow your intent, but I really like these lines:

until morning and the roar of the sun
hungry for more living

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2046
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Lifelong

#3 Post by Michael (MV) » 02 Oct 2022, 02:27

Yes, I like those lines & imagery too; and furthermore see them soloing as a haiku:

the sun rises
roaring - hungry
for more living

Michael (MV)

Post Reply