Living in East Germany, 1963
The landlord watches from a slightly opened door
as I slip into my apartment, a book hidden in my coat.
There is a clattering of footsteps up the stairs
that stops just outside my door.
The light under the door turns to shadow.
There are whispers in the hallway.
There are scrapings above my ceiling.
The skylight darkens momentarily.
I turn up the stereo.
The hammering isn't my heart
but a neighbor hanging a picture.
Water drips into the canyon of a sink.
My arrhythmia erupts like rapid gunshots
as pigeons scatter from the roof.
Living in East Germany, 1963
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Living in East Germany, 1963
Hi Bob,
Edvard Munch appears before me as I read this high anxiety panic attack -Yes, I realize he was earlier, but then, Poe was even earlier, and his vibe(TTH) is here, too.
A build up without a release; or with pending fatal consequence - Poe again (P&P)
Workshop-studies:
1/ recasted as:
The skylight dims and darkens.
^^ I like the erratic shift in the finale
2 "gunshots" is mild here; workshop-consider:
My arrhythmia erupts like rapid firing,
scattering flocked pigeons from the roof.
Or, getting very Poe-like here:
My arrhythmia erupts like rapid firing,
fibrillating from the roof the flock of pigeons.
^^ leading me to this recast:
The hammering isn't my palpitation,
but a neighbor hanging a picture.
3/ Blend these 2 lines as:
There are whispers in the hallway.
and scrapings above my ceiling.
.
Michael (MV)
Edvard Munch appears before me as I read this high anxiety panic attack -Yes, I realize he was earlier, but then, Poe was even earlier, and his vibe(TTH) is here, too.
A build up without a release; or with pending fatal consequence - Poe again (P&P)
Workshop-studies:
1/ recasted as:
The skylight dims and darkens.
^^ I like the erratic shift in the finale
2 "gunshots" is mild here; workshop-consider:
My arrhythmia erupts like rapid firing,
scattering flocked pigeons from the roof.
Or, getting very Poe-like here:
My arrhythmia erupts like rapid firing,
fibrillating from the roof the flock of pigeons.
^^ leading me to this recast:
The hammering isn't my palpitation,
but a neighbor hanging a picture.
3/ Blend these 2 lines as:
There are whispers in the hallway.
and scrapings above my ceiling.
.
Michael (MV)
BobBradshaw wrote: ↑28 Dec 2022, 04:40Living in East Germany, 1963
The landlord watches from a slightly opened door
as I slip into my apartment, a book hidden in my coat.
There is a clattering of footsteps up the stairs
that stops just outside my door.
The light under the door turns to shadow.
There are whispers in the hallway.
There are scrapings above my ceiling.
The skylight darkens momentarily.
I turn up the stereo.
The hammering isn't my heart
but a neighbor hanging a picture.
Water drips into the canyon of a sink.
My arrhythmia erupts like rapid gunshots
as pigeons scatter from the roof.
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Living in East Germany, 1963
Thanks, Michael. I wii employ some of your ideas.
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Living in East Germany, 1963
There are still too many uses of the word door in the first few lines.