Coming of Age

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Coming of Age

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 29 Jan 2023, 03:06

Black locks bobbing
Oyster pearls flashing her needs
to a suitable boy

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Senryu - Of Age

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 29 Jan 2023, 17:32

Black locks bob
Oyster pearls flash -
time for a suitable boy

.^^ the senryu speaks of the "Of Age"

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Senryu - Of Age

#3 Post by Michael (MV) » 29 Jan 2023, 17:34

black locks bob
whire pearls flash -
time for a suitable boy

.^^ the senryu speaks the "Of Age"; not needed in the title. Just "senryu."


Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Senryu revised

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 31 Jan 2023, 20:43

Ieuan, I like this version very much.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Senryu revised

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 02 Feb 2023, 14:54

I dipped my toes into the Senryu pool, Bob.
Thank you.

Strange that the spell-check does not accept the word Senryu (Senryū )

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Coming of Age

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 02 Feb 2023, 14:56

Thanks Michael,
I don't consider it a Senryu now. Just a short poem.
So I suppose I can title it.
I'm not really into Japanese style poems.

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