Lost Another One

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Billy
Posts:1386
Joined:22 Jun 2006, 10:56
Lost Another One

#1 Post by Billy » 10 Mar 2023, 20:55

Lost Another One

I can knead my shoulders
to a point. I can listen
to the innocence
of those near.

The muscles in my legs
stiffen,
then shiver
so the whole bed shakes.

Unaware, the sheets
flutter like frightened
butterflies.

The nightlight
holds my life
in its filament.
A thread
to unravel
to the end.

I tug
hand over hand
at my dreams,
pulling them closer
with each tug
only to find them
farther away.

Something's there.
Something big.

BobBradshaw
Posts:2701
Joined:03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Lost Another One

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 10 Mar 2023, 21:49

I like the imagery… these 2 stanzas stand out

Unaware, the sheets
flutter like frightened
butterflies.

The nightlight
holds my life
in its filament.
A thread
to unravel
to the end.

Kenneth2816
Posts:1619
Joined:01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Lost Another One

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 14 Mar 2023, 17:52

Nicely done with filament/thread. The first thing
Edison found that would work in the light bulb
was a thread of corn silk.Then the thread becomes a rope with which to tug. I really admire the creative process in this.

The close is equally impressive in that the absence
of specificity allows the reader to fill in the blanks.
I've always said the best poems allow the reader
to be a participant I stead of an observer.

Good job.

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