Searched the Internet Again

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Searched the Internet Again

#1 Post by Billy » 15 Mar 2023, 05:28

Searched The Internet Again revision 2

My ex came to Arizona to find me; I'm sure of it.
I passed right by her at the Chinle Bank
without knowing, could have reached out,
touched her like the money I withdrew.

I only saw her from behind.
She left too fast. Too far gone to see
if the car had Wyoming plates.
I'd have bet my life it was her, and more.
It all happened as if in a dream.

Here she was again, in a bank.
I lived 20 miles from Chinle, why did she
drive all that way and not find me?
I'd lost track of her over the years,
searched for her phone number, address,
found where she worked, the Arapaho
Tribal Council, her name listed as Finance
Secretary. She was always counting things.

I let it be, since I was married again.
Never mentioned this to anyone until now.
I guess it would have been dangerous
to follow, actually see if it was her,
maybe not awaken from this dream,
never go back to my wife. Maybe, she's
counting the years since she saw me last.



Searched The Internet Again (revised)

I only saw them from behind,
her and her sister driving away.
They left too fast. Too far gone to see
if the car had Wyoming plates.
I'd have bet my life it was her, and more.
It all happened as if in a dream.

Here she was again, in a bank.
I lived 20 miles from Chinle, why did she
drive all that way and not find me?
I'd lost track of her over the years, tried
to find her phone number, address, found
where she worked, the Arapaho
Tribal Council, her name listed as Finance
Secretary. She was always counting things.

I let it be, since I was married again.
Never mentioned this to anyone until now.
I guess it would have been dangerous
to follow them, actually see if it was her,
maybe not awaken from this dream,
never go back to my wife. Maybe, she's
been counting the years since she saw me last.


Searched The Internet Again

My ex came to Arizona to find me; I'm sure of it.
I passed right by her at the Chinle Bank
without knowing, could have reached out,
touched her like the money I withdrew.

Her sister, Maggie, driving the car.
When I met Theresa she was a teller at my bank
in Thermopolis. She's Arapaho, Sioux and French,
beautiful, hair as black as the prize stallion
her father broke that she galloped
wherever she went.

I only saw them from behind.
They left too fast. Too far gone to see
if the car had Wyoming plates.
I'd have bet my life it was her, and more.
It all happened as if in a dream.

Here she was again, in a bank.
I lived 20 miles from Chinle, why did she
drive all that way and not find me?
I'd lost track of her over the years, tried to find
her phone number, address, several times,
found where she worked, the Arapaho
Tribal Council, her name listed as Finance
Secretary. She was always counting things.

I let it be, since I was married again.
Never mentioned this to anyone until now.
I guess it would have been dangerous
to follow them, actually see if it was her,
maybe not awaken from this dream,
never go back to my wife. Maybe, she's
been counting the years since she saw me last.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 15 Mar 2023, 07:56

Ah, The allure and dangers of our past tempting us to change our lives, to try and live as we once lived….good subject for a poem. Good narrative… the story flows. The N’s voice hooked me from the start. And I can see the allure….her “ hair as black as the prize stallion
her father broke and she raced to beat the clock.”

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#3 Post by Billy » 15 Mar 2023, 08:25

Thanks Bob for being so generous. I just can’t so far get this poem right. I like the first version I wrote over at Waters best, but the other poets seem to think it needed something more and they’re probably right and this isn’t it either.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 15 Mar 2023, 08:43

Others at Waters suggested expanding on the counting theme. That’s something to try. Work towards accounting for “losses” along with “balancing” them with “counting”gains, and trying to balance the N’s life…work in a ledger or accounting image….The counting theme can be worked up for either the ex or the N, or both. What would be the loss of losing one’s wife for an attempt to return to the past? Dunno…

Kenneth2816
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 15 Mar 2023, 14:28

I think it's good as is. It's the kind of thing that only personal experience can convey. I always find it hard to both write the truth and make good poetry.

One of my favorite poets, Galway Kinnell, always said " tell the truth ".

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 15 Mar 2023, 18:16

It doesn't have to mean anything
Neither does need to have a theme like counting
Its what it is
Bukowski wouldn't worry what others thought
He'd just write it as it is
Which is what you have done.
It's your subconscious rambling
You saw a woman you thought you knew
and wished you had the time to chase her
down, knowing all along it was a red herring
but you wished
that great primeval wish
That big ache that can ever truly be filled
even though you are married and happy

You know you've done it right,
you don't need two forums to tell you
what it is or how to write.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#7 Post by FranktheFrank » 15 Mar 2023, 18:19

Her sister, Maggie, driving the car they got in.
When I met Theresa she was a teller at my bank
in Thermopolis. She's Arapaho, Sioux and French,
beautiful, hair as black as the prize stallion
her father broke-in and she raced to beat the clock.

Maybe add, 'broke-in'.

I got confused with just 'broke'.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 16 Mar 2023, 01:31

I like this poem so much for its honesty and raw approach
I nominate it for April's entry for the IBPC.

If you feel t needs tweaking, I can't offer anything.

IndianaDP
Posts: 181
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#9 Post by IndianaDP » 26 Mar 2023, 18:31

I’m thinking perhaps the first two stanzas are not necessary.
I know there are things you probably like about them, but are the necessary
to tell the story? Just a thought since you indicated you weren’t happy
with the poem.

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#10 Post by Billy » 28 Mar 2023, 22:30

Thanks again, everyone

Dale I kind of like your suggestion.

BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#11 Post by BobBradshaw » 30 Mar 2023, 06:04

In the original version I would keep the first stanza, cut out the 2nd stanza as Dale suggested, and change the 3rd stanza to reflect only the ex, not the sister.

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Searched the Internet Again

#12 Post by Billy » 30 Mar 2023, 07:35

Thanks, Bob, trying your suggestion. I like not cluttering up the poem with a sister, and I do find stanza 1 needed.

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