Dedication to Pythag Jones

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Dedication to Pythag Jones

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 11 Apr 2023, 21:41

Diary Conceit

Edit 1

Geometry, first year technical college
With Miss Jones following Euclid’s
Path, his method based on axioms or postulates
leading inexorably to deducing theorems
Pythagoras’ in particular

Miss (Pythag) Jones tried to excite
us about the derivation
Of trigonometrical identities developed
from good old Pythag

Miss Miss Jones articulated not just with her
plumb voice, but also with her body
and by physical exertion
reaching to the top of the board to draw
her equations overextending her ample bust
twisting, her neat small waist that drew our eyes
She could easily have been a circus acrobat

"Look, she would accentuate, look now and see"
And we would look and we would see
But it was hard to see that Secant squared
was equal to tan squared + one
or that sine times cosec equalled numerical one

Abscissa, ordinate and hypotenuse weren't too hard
To remember to take in except when Miss jones
Took to the ladder in her tight black skirt
My mind tended to drift of at a tangent
Oblique thoughts that cannot be mentioned
Caused me acute emotions.

"Look," she would say,
This is a whole branch of mathematics.
You are not going to go far
if you do not master this."

I loved Miss Jones
My love was as perfect as she was unreachable
And lo I tried to follow her instruction,
every night after work, two faithful hours
dedicated to Miss Jones. Such love
Has no apprentice given so loyally.

Even mastering the basics derived
from Pythag, that the secant of the angle
divided by the cos of that angle
equalled the tan of the same angle
Or that the reciprocal was the cotangent of the angle
and that it equalled cosine over sine

I failed trigonometry miserably
I worked hard at the exam
but my thoughts invariably
ended with Miss Jones

If there had been an exam
on the shape of Miss Jones
How tall and how heavy
Or how her bust would fill a 40D
How her nylons were filled
amply by her smooth calves
How the tremor of her voice could arouse
A deep and abiding interest in pubescent boys
I would have passed with distinction.

__________

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Miss Jones and Pythag

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 13 Apr 2023, 04:18

I get lost in all the math. I’m much more interested in Miss Jones.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Miss Jones and Pythag

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 13 Apr 2023, 10:31

He he, yes she was a one, Bob.
His theorem is a lot more complicated than most people realise
and there is much more advanced mathematics involved with it
including a more modern look using the calculus. Not that
I remember much.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: A Dedication to Pythag Jones

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 02 May 2023, 19:14

Revised for the month of May 2023.

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: A Dedication to Pythag Jones

#5 Post by RamanathanSiva » 02 May 2023, 21:11

Frank
Typo ‘drift off’. As Bob said Miss Jones can be more poetry stuff than Pythagoras. You also have to begin each line in the smaller case.
Cut,cut,cut.

S

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: A Dedication to Pythag Jones

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 03 Sep 2023, 01:29

emphasize certain words. According to Dimitri Reyes, a poet, capitalization can be used in several ways to enhance the meaning of a poem. For instance, capitalizing the first letter of every line can create a sense of formality and structure, while capitalizing only the first letter of each sentence can create a more casual tone. Capitalizing proper nouns can also help to identify important people, places, or things in a poem.

However, it’s important to note that there are no strict rules when it comes to capitalization in poetry. As Lauren-Clear-Monica-Ipsum suggests, poets have the freedom to break rules and experiment with different styles. Ultimately, the decision to use capital letters in poetry is up to the poet and depends on the intended effect of the poem.

-----
I'm not saying I paid any particular attention to the capitalisation. I didn't think the poem worth the effort.
But it was the idea of the story that I wanted to experiment with. I'm not saying capitalisation isn't important
or lack of it, I am just saying I was too tired to do anything about it.

Its about a young man falling for an attractive teacher and although he is not really interested in mathematics tries hard so that he can admire the glow emanating from Miss Jones and they way she reaches to the top of the board. She had a powerful effect on the lad. I wish I could be as concise as you when attending to critique, it really is a gift.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Dedication to Pythag Jones

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 03 Sep 2023, 04:43

I love the ending! But, yes, trimming would go a long ways...for example, take out stanzas 1 and 8....trim out the circus acrobat line....

Here's a stab at trimming your fine piece:

Edit 1


Miss (Pythag) Jones tried to excite us
about geometry

and she articulated not just with her
plumb voice, but also with her body:
reaching to the top of the board to draw equations
she would reveal her ample bust

"Look, she’d emphasize. Look and see!"
And we would
but it was hard to remember
anything except Miss jones
wobbling on the ladder in her tight black skirt…

"Look," she would repeat,
“This is a whole branch of mathematics.
You are not going to go far if you do not master this."

I loved Miss Jones
and tried to follow her instructions,
every night after work, two faithful hours
dedicated to Miss Jones. Such love
has no more diligent apprentice…

I failed trigonometry miserably.
I worked hard at the exam
but my thoughts invariably
ended with Miss Jones.

If there had been an exam
on the shape of Miss Jones,
how tall and how heavy
or how her bust would fill a 40D,
how her nylons were filled
amply by her smooth calves,
how the tremor of her voice could arouse
a deep and abiding passion in pubescent boys
I would have passed with distinction.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: A Dedication to Pythag Jones

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 03 Sep 2023, 11:14

Haha, you must have met Miss Jones, Bob. Well done. You've made a poem of it.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Dedication to Pythag Jones

#9 Post by BobBradshaw » 03 Sep 2023, 23:02

Ha! I have met her! What guy hasn't?

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: A Dedication to Pythag Jones

#10 Post by FranktheFrank » 04 Sep 2023, 19:40

I'll get round when this hot weather is over to editing Bob, I think I will cut those stanzas you suggest. Many thanks.

Post Reply