The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Apr 2023, 03:42

“I heard a Fly buzz - when I died -“
 — Emily Dickinson


The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death
 
 Without rehearsal  
 she pulled her “big moment” off—
 dying as she wished,

 quietly as eyes closing—
 an awkward silence  
 afterwards,

 heavy
 like that between storms
 on the coast.  

 As I recalled Emily
 and following the blaze
 of her auburn hair  

 past her beloved Indian pipes,
 blue trumpeting gentians
 and crown imperials

I hummed, fervently
 --the way others sing
 old Christian hymns.

 Emily lay as still
 as a poem on a page
 as I settled on her pillow.

 I didn’t expect a King
 to speak but I rubbed
 my hands nervously

 when talk of a will
—uncertain—hesitant—
entered the room. 

 Interposed between us
 and the window’s light  
 were the bereaved

 —and talk, talk, talk
 of portions not yet
 assigned.

 A chill numbed the air.
 I pulled my wings closer.

 They were a flimsy shawl
 in a thinning
 light.

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

#2 Post by RamanathanSiva » 20 Apr 2023, 05:31

Perhaps you can use single quotes for ‘big moment.’

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Apr 2023, 07:11

Why is that?

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 20 Apr 2023, 17:55

I think this is a great idea, fascinating.
Who could have made a poem on her work about death and a fly.
It does elicit some morbid horror, death, corruption, a fly's meal
I don't know if any other poet could have developed this theme from the fly in Emily's poem.

I puzzled about the king until I read her poem for myself.
And of course she's talking about the King of Glory, the Lord
Some say her faith was not real, did not last beyond the revival at that time.
We can't say that for sure or at all, she said her sabbath wasn't in church but at home.

That very first line seems off,
“I heard a Fly buzz - when I died -“
— Emily Dickinson
To me it should be, 'before I died' [British usage of speech literals]
or 'as I was dying'. But it's not for me to criticize a great poet.

13 stanzas in all.

The best stanza S13
They were a flimsy shawl
in a thinning
light.

Would it be too many modifiers to say:

I closed in my wings

as a flimsy shawl
of gossamer strands
in a thinning light

Or is 'gossamer' used to often?

I looked up hands for flies in S8 and yes they are referred to as hands.
Scientists refer to them as legs.

I spent 2 hours critiquing this poem, but have had so much trouble and lost half of it.
I will come back in the week and try to do full justice to this marvellous and fascinating work.

I nominate it for the IBPC this month if it is still running.
****************************

1 Without rehearsal
she pulled her “big moment” off—
dying as she wished,

2 quietly as eyes closing—
an awkward silence
afterwards,

3 heavy
like that between storms
on the coast.

4 As I recalled Emily
and following the blaze
of her auburn hair

5 past her beloved Indian pipes,
blue trumpeting gentians
and crown imperials

6 I hummed, fervently
--the way others sing
old Christian hymns.

7 Emily lay as still
as a poem on a page
as I settled on her pillow.

8 I didn’t expect a King
to speak but I rubbed
my hands nervously

9 when talk of a will
—uncertain—hesitant—
entered the room.

10 Interposed between us
and the window’s light
were the bereaved

11 —and talk, talk, talk
of portions not yet
assigned.

12 A chill numbed the air.
I pulled my wings closer.

13 They were a flimsy shawl
in a thinning
light.

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

#5 Post by RamanathanSiva » 20 Apr 2023, 22:06

It is not as if she is speaking to someone.Single quotes would suffice here.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Apr 2023, 22:29

Thanks, Ieuan. Appreciate your generous comments!

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Apr 2023, 22:34

Thanks, Siva.

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

#8 Post by RamanathanSiva » 20 Apr 2023, 23:04

I have been reading on the double quotes versus single quotes. You stick to your original “. “. I could be wrong.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Fly Reflects On Emily Dickinson’s Death

#9 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Apr 2023, 23:22

I’m also confused after reading about their differences.

Post Reply