From This to That (version 2)

[CalebMurdock]

From This to That (version 2)

[CalebMurdock]

Is my poem not getting any comments because it's really bad or really good? Not sure what to think.

[BobBradshaw]

Sorry, I missed this. It’s a good draft. I like the first 3 poignant stanzas a lot. The specifics put me right there. For example, I love “Rubbermaid trays”, a good example of great detail. The contrast between how the mother took care of plants before and after her illness works very well.

The fourth and fifth stanzas are less detailed, and more abstract, and less compelling. I like though the plastic tray sitting on the N’s desk.

I like these lines:

For twenty years my mother brought her lunch
to work in Rubbermaid trays she would pop
into the lunch-room microwave. Somehow
I was lucky enough to inherit one,

scars still on the plastic where the food boiled.
I think of her, competent, industrious,
the plant lady who kept the office in green
splendor — though before she died she could

not keep a single plant alive, not even
the dwarf Christmas tree my brother sent
year after futile year. Day after day
she would over-water it, and it would die,

brown and parched as if thirsting for a drink.

[CalebMurdock]

That's useful advice, Bob. Thank you. The poem segues from being about my mother almost entirely to being a vague comparison of our personalities. That's just the way I spontaneously wrote it, but I always felt uncomfortable with that change in the later stanzas.

I'll work on it.

==========================

Bob, the comments I am getting from you are really very insightful. This is actually an old poem, although one I was never entirely satisfied with. I have revised it and will post the revision soon.

[FranktheFrank]

It's good. Enjoyed.

[CalebMurdock]

Thank you, Ieuan Frank!