Not Looking Forward To The Last Note
I wrote a note to my grandson.
He had asked me before he went to sleep
to write another one like I did the last time.
He likes the idea so much it's become
our beginning and end of the day
when he comes to visit: "Love you, Kahi,
I've gone to work, Papa." When I got home
he had written a note on the back
of mine immediately after reading it.
He left it on my computer desk
before his mom gathered him home:
"Love you, too, already miss you, Lokahi."
Not Looking Forward To The Last Note
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Re: Not Looking Forward To The Last Note
Ah. How sweet. I love grandkids. They’re the best.
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Re: Not Looking Forward To The Last Note
I find myself wondering what's in these notes going back and forth -- you don't say that. The point seems to be that notes are being exchange, and the notes themselves represent a change in the relationship. I'd like it if you somehow made that a little more explicit.
Re: Not Looking Forward To The Last Note
Thanks, Bob
Caleb, I don't feel the need to explain what seems pretty apparent, maybe you need to read it again.
Caleb, I don't feel the need to explain what seems pretty apparent, maybe you need to read it again.
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- Posts: 201
- Joined: 10 Dec 2023, 14:59
Re: Not Looking Forward To The Last Note
When I first read the poem, I blipped over the title, which is brilliant. So these are just love notes going back and forth, the content of which isn't important? What's important is that you established a new and loving ritual with your grandson. I understood that, but I still think you could make the significance of this change in your relationship more explicit in the poem.