Talking To Myself Without Praying

[Billy]

Talking To Myself Without Praying

How can I love you
when you're lying
in the street, passersby
walking over you?

The father will save you,
but he's behind bars.
Mother's there beside you,
giggling. Pick yourself up.

Smile. Your friend watches,
waits. The man with a gun
leans against a pole
at the corner of Main.



Billy

[SivaRamanathan]

Billy
I thought of Donne when I read your first line.
How can I love you
The poem is compact,though I don't get the image of the man with the gun.Keep it as it is.Michael usually has some edit points.I have been reading this so many time but the meaning still remains obscure.
S

[SivaRamanathan]

''The father will save you,''
is that a Biblical reference?

[FrankDyer]

It would be capital 'F' for Father in a biblical reference.

[ichiozi1]

loved this!

[FrankDyer]

I think you are improving in your short strory approach Billy, its a style I like just would like more detail.

[SnickleFrittes]

I like the style very much. Like what was said before, it is a little quick. I would say, try to explain more to give the reader more to relate to. Remember, you're painting a picture in the readers mind. I personally believe detailed imagery and emotional content is key. But hmm very intriguing and I do like it.