The Turner

[FranklyDire]

He is handed a bar
of bronze it flashes a copper haze
She sails by the morning

He sets his machine
methodically prepares
the metal for the first cut

First grinding his tool
testing its sharpness
by eye

The four jaws grip the work-piece
with might
pressing the metal
tight

Clunk thu-dung
it clanks with every rotation
leaving pretty yellow cutting
upon the apron of the saddle

A form emerge from the blank
beautifully true
he admires his reflection
in his work

Its almost ready
when the foreman
agitated stands

He hands over his precious
parcel and asks quietly,
'A darker?

[SivaRamanathan]

Frank

This has turned out well.I only object to 'beautifully'.

Sivakami

[FranklyDire]

Thank you Siva, I am stuck on 'beautifully', it seems to work for me.

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Frank,


Hearing Keats:

"Beauty is truth, truth, beauty – that is all
Ye know on earth and all ye need to know"

^^ maybe those lines as an epigraph, in lieu of the editorial "beautifully true"


Below, w/ grammar & punctuation, workshop suggestions & questions; (and considering this one possibly to represent this July IBPC):


Beauty is truth, truth, beauty – that is all
Ye know on earth and all ye need to know     (John Keats   "Grecian Urn")

^^ Consider, if you choose to employ the quote, the epigraph as title, then "the turner" appears at the start of the poem:

The turner is handed a bar
of bronze it flashes a copper haze
She sails by the morning.

^^ The antecedent of "She"? or does "she" refer to the bronze bar and its copper haze?

He sets the machine
methodically prepares
the metal for the initial cut.

First grinding his tool
testing its sharpness
by eye.

The four jaws grip the work-piece
with might
pressing the metal
tightly.

Clunk thu-dung       -- thru   or   through ?
it clanks with every rotation,
the shiny shedding casting a delicate design
upon the saddle's apron.

True form emerges from the blank.
He admires the reflection
in the handiwork.

Not quite ready
when the foreman
agitated stands.

He hands over his precious
parcel and asks quietly,
"A darker?"

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[franklyfedup]

Thanks Michael, I have been on holiday for a while and forgot my password again. I write them down but then lose a bit of paper and the dang machine refuses to let me on no matter how many times i translate: freelekh. To show that it is I the clue is in the first part of the name, to be Frank.

This poem has been with me a long time, first in traditional poetry then in a freer form and finally this. I have a little bit of tinkering to do and then it would be ready for an offering if anyone wishes to recommend.

True is a word by the craftsmen to describe the squareness of an object, or its relation to other angles etc. etc. Beautifully is a word I chose to sue in respect of theis work that describes an amalgum of colour, shape, accuracy and trueness.

A 'Darker' is a word used in the industry to describe a type of payment for urgent work required for ships to proceed to sea, without the incentive the craftsman might not make the tide and the ship would be delayed. By working past midnight the man has to be paid the equivalent of a week's pay.

These are the words of my youth, my apprenticeship unknown anywhere but in the shipbuilding industry.

Frank, by any other name....

[Smmrtmestos]

I liked this poem, it made me feel like this man was very proud of his work and found beauty in it.
Michael has some good advice though.
"^^ The antecedent of "She"? or does "she" refer to the bronze bar and its copper haze?"

Loved the ending too.

[franklyfedup]

Thanks for your comments mestos, much appreciated. I am writing on behalf of my cousin: Frank. The 'she' in the poem is the ship, a horse waits for shoe and a kingdom is won or lost, a ship waits for a key and sails/steams/motors or not on the next tide.