A Fortune Seeker

[meenas17]

The hot Malaysian sun
pierces through me with force
sneaks into every bone and nerve.

I stay indoors. The sun like mad
peeps through the windows.
Burns my front and back. I am roasted.

I drink pints of plain water, tender coconut in litres
I long for more. Mild irritation sets in
Thirst numbs my spirit. I am half dead.

The heat resembles a red flame. It reflects on the roads
which transmit excessive brightness
I shy away from seeing the sun. I am scorched.

The Sun is both a giver and a destroyer.
Bestows man with resources too many.
Plunders him of his sustainability. Have pity on him!

The fecundity of the land invigorates.
Unable to leave and go elsewhere.
I stay back in the land. I am a fortune seeker.

[Bernie01]

Oh, i like the line, i stay back in the land.

subtle, yet clear.

always, we try to avoid telling when we want to show....

ts in the wasteland:




Sweat is dry and feet are in the sand
If there were only water amongst the rock
Dead mountain mouth of carious teeth that cannot spit
Here one can neither stand nor lie nor sit
There is not even silence in the mountains
But dry sterile thunder without rain
There is not even solitude in the mountains
But red sullen faces sneer and snarl
From doors of mudcracked houses


and here:


HD in Heat:



O wind, rend open the heat,
cut apart the heat,
rend it to tatters.

Fruit cannot drop
through this thick air--
fruit cannot fall into heat
that presses up and blunts
the points of pears
and rounds the grapes.

Cut the heat--
plough through it,
turning it on either side
of your path.




i also like this very real conversation :



I drink pints of plain water, tender coconut in litres
I long for more. Mild irritation sets in


bernie









by the way, why Malaysian?

[meenas17]

Thanks, Bernie.

I like the way you critique a poem. I welcome your comments. I attach a value to them too.

I am in Malaysia bearing the hot sun. It is terrible.

Meena.

[meenas17]

Welcome to the forum.

Thanks for reading and commenting.
I will consider your suggestions.

[SOriz211]

Very nice Meena.

Sergio

[BobBradshaw]

Overall it's a good poem, Meena. You really make us feel the scorching sun. The last stanza is flat...I would cut it. I like the ending 'Have pity on him!'.

[meenas17]

Thanks, Bob.
The last stanza is a personal reference. Means not much to the poem. It is for a for the revenue I endure this horrid weather.

[harry567]

Thanks, -- I will cut the acknowledging lines....




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