Beethoven Would Meet Us at the Door in his Underwear

[BobBradshaw]

revised version(thanks, Bernie):

Beethoven Would Meet Us at the Door in his Underwear


The door yanked open
revealing a squat man
in underwear.

He squinted
like a misanthrope
confronting beggars.

His answer to our complaints?
A slammed door.

Years after his death
we recall his music,
as restless as surf rumbling
across our ceilings.

Groggy,
what could we do but bang
on our landlord's door the next morning

with our usual complaint
about the awful
noise?


first version:

Beethoven Would Meet Us at the Door in his Underwear


It did no good to try and reason...
Disturbed by vibrations
from our knocking, he would answer the door

in his underwear, squinting out
like a misanthrope
confronting beggars.

His answer to our complaints?
A slammed door.

Overwhelmed by loneliness,
he would continue to play
with the intensity

of a man bailing his dinghy
in a storm.

Years after his death
we recall his music,
as restless as surf rumbling
across our ceilings.

Groggy,
what could we do but bang
on our landlord's door the next morning

with our usual complaint
about the awful
noise?

[FranktheFrank]

Very funny Bob, the neighbour from hell only he was a genius, but so annoying.

[Kenneth2816]

Good Imagination, poor Ludwig.

Van Gogh shoukd have given that ear to Beethoven.

And yes, he absolutely would have been in his underwear.

[Bernie01]

K---

great subject matter, wonderful framing making Beethoven very, very human.

i would knock once, in the first verse, but not again when the narrator calls on his landlord.

me, i cut this verse:

Overwhelmed by loneliness,
he would continue to play
with the intensity



also, this is borderline for me:

of a man bailing his dinghy
in a storm.


sorry, but i would open the poem with a man flat-footed in his undershorts.

stark.


The door yanked open
revealing a squat man
in underwear.

He squinted
like a misanthrope
confronting beggars.

Short, bulbous nose
covering half his dark
angry face.


i cut this:

Overwhelmed by loneliness,
he would continue to play
with the intensity


maybe this, borderline:

of a man bailing his dinghy
in a storm.




Years after his death
we recall his music,
restless like surf
across our ceilings.

Groggy,
what could we do
but rail to our landlord


who said he loved
music and made
no changes.

years later, I saw him
conducting but
in a rumpled black suit.

The audience
leaning toward him
to not miss a note.



sorry, got carried away.


very much enjoy the burst of something original. your original poem is fine, but you know how i am. especially when i like a poem.





bernie

[BobBradshaw]

Thx, Bernie. You make some really good suggestions. I will take advantage of some of them. I like your opening...best, Bob

[SOriz211]

Bob, I liked both, the original and the revision. I think they're both excellent.

Sergio

[BobBradshaw]

Thx, Sergio, Frankly -- and esp. Bernie

[Bernie01]

Bob---

i like the original, but the revised version i think has speed and pleasing abruptness.


i vote for the revised poem, does it please you?


bernie

[SivaVelliangiri]

Bob,I have read the poem and the comments. Maybe I will think of something to say.Enough that I like it.

Siva

[BobBradshaw]

Yep...it does, Bernie. I love the quick start now, and the better rhythm of the poem.