Ellery For The Mad Girl

[Kenneth2816]

She took a rainbow of pills with names
that sounded like Greek gods:
Xanax, Zyprexa, Zoloft, but still
an old ache would unchamber itself
from the darkness of memory,surface like an earthworm works through loam.

She would come to me, body convulsing
with an electricty of pain so intense
it created its own language. She tried
to tell me but what came out was a cross
between that sound Arab women
make when they trill their tongues
and a new-born's first wail

I would take her hand as her eyes
scrabbled the room trying to ground
herself, lead her to her room and lay
beside her, not face-to-face,
my body pressed against hers.

Her cat would come, and ass first,
settle beside her. I held her while she
alternately sobbed and stroked the cat,
reassuring it with a cooing voice
until the tsunami subsided.

She'd smile, turn on one elbow
touch my nose with a finger,
emitting a spark as if she were
trying to dischare some of her grief.
With a laugh she said
"this must be love,
these faint, blue arcs
when we come too close."

I was out of town when I got
the call from my brother. On a starless
Van Gogh Night, they found her in the tub,
porcelain skin mottled with hues
of lividity, head against her knees
as one at prayer, and a ceramic
rose from last birthday

This is a rough working draft.
I need input

[Billy]

My edits:

She took a rainbow of pills with names
that sounded like Greek gods:
Xanax, Zyprexa, Zoloft.

She would come to me, body convulsing
with an electricty of pain so intense
it created its own language, a cross
between that sound Arab women
make when they trill their tongues
and a new-born's first wail

I would take her hand as her eyes
scrabbled the room trying to ground
herself, lead her to her room and lay
beside her, not face-to-face,
my body pressed against hers. (To many "her")

Her cat would come,
settle beside her. She alternately sobbed
and stroked the cat,
reassuring it with a cooing voice
until the tsunami subsided.

She'd smile, turn on one elbow
touch my nose with a finger,
emitting a spark as if she were
trying to discharge some of her grief.
With a laugh she said
"this must be love,
these faint, blue arcs
when we come too close."

I was out of town when I got
the call from my brother.
They found her in the tub,
porcelain skin mottled with hues
of lividity, head against knees
as one at prayer, and a ceramic
rose from her last birthday.

This is a rough working draft.
I need input

[Bernie01]

Kenneth--

Billy and bernie:


She took a rainbow of pills
sounding like Greek gods:
Xanax, Zyprexa, Zoloft.

Her pain electric and so intense
it created language crossed
between the sound Arab women
make trilling their tongues
and a new-born's first wail.

I would take her hand as her eyes
scrabbled the room trying locate
safe harbor, press my body against
hers like docking a small boat.


She alternately sobbed, stroked
the beautiful Persian, and fell asleep
with the TV blaring.

She'd smile, turn on one elbow,
touch my nose with a finger,
emitting a spark as if she were
trying to discharge some of her grief.

With a laugh she said:

"this must be love,
these blue lights
when we come too close."

She died in the tub, porcelain
skin mottled with red hues,
head against knees
as in prayer, her hair still rich
and full like a shampoo model.


good poem, lot's of possibilities. i hoped to focus in on her quickly and provide more life grounding---hence, the Persian cat...the full, rich hair of a shampoo model though her skin is mottled.

bernie

[Kenneth2816]

Thanks guys. Gonna shelve this, too hard to write

[SOriz211]

Very nice Ken. suicide is never pretty. I love the narrative. Bernie has some good suggestions.

Sergio

[Kenneth2816]

Thank you Sergio

[FranktheFrank]

iF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE FORMATING COULD YOU TRY using notepad
I use WORD, Bookman Old Style 10.

[Kenneth2816]

Thanks Frank

[Billy]

I really think this is close. It seems it's difficult emotionally for you, but I think it's close.

[Kenneth2816]

Thanks for your insight Billy.