Libernium

[Kenneth2816]

She wore the days
like a child's paper chain

the way the moon indentures
the waves, night after night
dragged by the hair to dry land

It is the right of the transgressor
to be drowned in mercy, buried
in sand until only a toe breaks ground.

[BobBradshaw]

Sorry, I can't find the definition of 'Libernium'....can you provide it? I really like some of the imagery, the child's paper chain my favorite...the moon indenturing the waves...excellent

[SivaVelliangiri]

I like the last line.

S

[Kenneth2816]

Thanks Bob. I don't think Iit means anything. I like how it sounds and needed ass title...tried to write a precept poem without a ton of pronouns .

[Kenneth2816]

Thanks Siva!

[Bernie01]

K:

awkward:

She wore the days
like a child's paper chain



but how sprightly, how poetic:


the way the moon indentures
the waves, night after night
dragged by the hair to dry land


builds a vivid and original picture---congrats


labored, unclear image devoid of a reality:

It is the right of the transgressor
to be drowned in mercy, buried
in sand until only a toe breaks ground.



bernie

[Kenneth2816]

I hear you Bernie. I dont know if I understand awkward, but I get labored as in trying to hard.

I appreciate your comments

[Bernie01]

K---

more like an imbalance. one dancer does the salsa, the second looks to waltz.



grace is sacrificed.

bernie

[LindaLinda]

K
you have some lovely lines here, great opening and S2 very poetic.
Maybe I'm dense but I can't get what this poem is about.

[Kenneth2816]

Me either:)