Half Moon Bay

[BobBradshaw]

Half Moon Bay


Dogs race to greet Sonny.
They exchange deep throated barks

of affection. Then they’re off--
running up the beach. They sprint

short distances like a volleyball team
back and forth. Or roll

in dunes in a twisting
pile like rugby players.

Many people are determined
never to be happy.

But Sonny and I have summers ahead of us,
and many days yet of racing

through the foaming edges
of these radiant waters.

[Kenneth2816]

True stuff here Bob.Twain said people "are sbout as happy
as they make up their minds to be."

Nice little platitude poem.

[FranktheFrank]

Dogs on the beach race to greet Sonny.
They exchange deep throated barks

of affection. Then they’re off--
running up the beach. They sprint

short distances like a volleyball team
back and forth. Or roll

in dunes in a twisting
pile like rugby players.

Many people are determined
to never be happy.

But Sonny and I have summers ahead of us,
and many days yet of racing

through the foaming edges
of these radiant waters.

[FranktheFrank]

Could cut 'to' in s5

'beach' in s1

add 'and' instead of 'to' in s3 comma,
and rolls in the dunes like a rugby ruck and maul.

Many people are determined never to be happy,
but Sonny and I . . .

Suggestions Bob.

Short and sweet, I was there, running with the hounds.

[BobBradshaw]

Kenneth, thanks--
Frank, thx for the suggestions...I'll take you up on a couple...best

[Bernie01]

Bob---

i like Frank's edits:

Half Moon Bay


Dogs race to greet Sonny,
They exchange deep throated barks

of affection. Then they’re off--
running up the beach. They sprint

short distances like a volleyball team
back and forth. Or roll

in dunes in a twisting
pile like rugby players.

Many people are determined
never to be happy.

But Sonny and I have summers ahead of us,
and many days yet of racing

through the foaming edges
of these radiant waters.


But Sonny and I have summers ahead of us,
and many days yet of racing

through the foaming edges
of these radiant waters.






Dogs race breakneck to greet Sonny
with deep throated barks of affection.

They dash away running up the beach.
like school yard boys at recess.

The dunes fresh as new baked bread
just issued to children on a beach.*

Many people are determined
never to be happy.

But Sonny and I spread summers
ahead like rainbows

and skip over the foaming edges
of these radiant waters.



Bob---you have a command of not just language, but a vision. a concept for your poem, that expands my inventory of titles and content.

i love that. (especially that last verse)

i've suggested above a version, an image shift from rugby to boys at recess---seems closer to your theme. not sure about the rainbow or the baked bread...what else, i wonder?


*Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.
For Lucy had her work cut out for her. The doors would be taken off
their hinges; Rumpelmayer's men were coming. And then, thought
Clarissa Dalloway, what a morning—fresh as if issued to children on a
beach.

Mrs. Dalloway
Virginia Woolf




i found myself longing for more story of Sonny.


Ambling from the scattered piles of drifted sand to the hotel veranda. The little balcony that opened like a remembered melody just above the beach....

well, you see its got me going.....

I like your poem.


bernie

[capricorn]

I always like a poem about dogs, but this is well written and made me feel I was there with you.

Love deep throated barks.

Eira

[Gracy321]

Oh dear, how I miss racing on beaches with my dog Cheetah. She was a stray dog, we kept and loved her.
Your poem touches me.
I see you've been given plenty of suggestions.
I only wonder whether one races "up" beaches?
I always picture going down to beaches, from sand dunes or whatever.
Just sayin'... Enjoyed.
Gracy

[BobBradshaw]

Gracy, thank you for your warm sharing
Bernie, you always come up with lots of interesting options....often they're more entertaining than the piece itself....I really enjoy your writing(and comments)...best