As If in A Dream

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meenas17
Posts:822
Joined:23 Mar 2014, 11:27
As If in A Dream

#1 Post by meenas17 »

The siblings come home,
being away for years,
Sit with the parents,
reminicise the good old days.

Visualise as if in a dream,

Mom is behind them
with a cane. Her manipulations
go unheeded.

They play in the garden.
It is cricket, with shouts,
"LBW, Howzatt", reaching the air.

Atop the bicycle
they conduct races.

They mimick to operate.
In course, learn to drive
with competency.

Neighbours notice a station wagon
cross the junction without a driver.
Google is busy with the same scheme
decades later. "Driverless Cars"

Mom makes them do their homework
while they pretend to sleep.
She, at times,exercises discipline.
often fails to restore decorum.

Can sight seeing, dining out,
musical concerts, and travel
replace this hour of glory?
meenas17

FrankDire
Posts:23
Joined:22 Jan 2018, 21:44

Re: As If in A Dream

#2 Post by FrankDire »

I like this poem Meena
rings so true of family life.

On this forum the Americans will scratch their heads
at LBW and Howzaat, but I am with you all the way
though cricket was never completely my game.

I feel children would be the right word instead of siblings.

BobBradshaw
Posts:2730
Joined:03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: As If in A Dream

#3 Post by BobBradshaw »

Yes, this is quite nice, Meena. I like how this poem ends:

Can sight seeing, dining out,
musical concerts, and travel
replace this hour of glory?

Cut this line:
Visualise as if in a dream,

Bernie01
Posts:777
Joined:30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: As If in A Dream

#4 Post by Bernie01 »

M---

aim for smoothness---i would cut this verse:


Neighbours notice a station wagon
cross the junction without a driver.
Google is busy with the same scheme
decades later. "Driverless Ca


the suggestions from others, i agree

smooth. smooth. don't take me outside the poem---with the mention of Google.


bernie

meenas17
Posts:822
Joined:23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: As If in A Dream

#5 Post by meenas17 »

Glad you like the poem, Frank.
Cricket is not played in America.
In India boys love to play the game and it is very popular.

Yes, children sounds better than siblings.
meenas17

meenas17
Posts:822
Joined:23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: As If in A Dream

#6 Post by meenas17 »

Thanks, Bob.
I will consider your suggestion.
meenas17

meenas17
Posts:822
Joined:23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: As If in A Dream

#7 Post by meenas17 »

The Google part is not to your liking, Bernie.
I wanted to relate the poem to the current events.
Thought it will interest the reader.
if it is out of context I will remove the lines.

Thanks, bernie
meenas17

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