March, 1945 - revised

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 1279
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

March, 1945 - revised

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Feb 2019, 10:57

March, 1945


Rumors of the Red Army's
approach swirled around us
as we were matched out
of camp by the guards
into the snow, pistols
barking like dogs
at anyone who couldn't
keep up. "The Red Army
is coming," I kept mumbling
between shots,
rags on my feet sticking
to the snow's
ice.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1279
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: March, 1945

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Feb 2019, 21:34

Tweaked

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1500
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: March, 1945

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 11 Feb 2019, 22:08

Bob, would it be rumour, or would it be news.
It could hardly be rumour when the Germans knew the war was lost.
I think few could have sympathy for the Germans after what they did
to the whole of Europe and especially the murder of so many Russians.
I feel you should close with the man admitting as much.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1279
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: March, 1945

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 12 Feb 2019, 08:02

To the prisoner without the ability to hear news it would be rumors. The scene should be limited to what a prisoner would have known, very little... his world claustrophobic

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1048
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: March, 1945

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 12 Feb 2019, 17:43

Maybe if you used the word guards, it would be more clear

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1279
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: March, 1945

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 12 Feb 2019, 21:39

Ok, thx

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