Awful Calls

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
meenas17
Posts: 683
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Awful Calls

#1 Post by meenas17 » 11 Feb 2019, 18:47

The accusation goes.
It is you who brought 
the trouble. 
 
 Petrified, I stand to lose.
Turn tense. Loathe myself.
I am horrible.

I chose the wife for the man.
The man and wife quarrel
day in and day out.

Now and again
I receive a call. At 
midnight  most.

My phone bill mounts.
Talk personally to both.
Pacify. Sign a Treaty of Peace.

Remains perfect for a while.
Again a call. The wife as usual,
ignites.The spouse pursues.

 I face the music.  Mostly a
t midnights Whom to condemn?
I do not know.

Last evening I had to deal
the same issue. Exasperated
I pronounce the awful word.

It is an improper advice, I know.
Unable to resolve at any time,
call them to part ways

The unreasonable wife
and the stubborn husband
did not expect this from me.

They turn disenchanted.
Tables do turn.
I


 
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1366
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Awful Calls

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Feb 2019, 21:24

Excellent tension and character... terrific subject. It needs a little trimming... the 2nd stanza is too telling. Something better than “ face the music”? Describe narrator’s physical reaction in imagery when the phone rings late at night. But oh what a wonderful theme... some very good writing

meenas17
Posts: 683
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Awful Calls

#3 Post by meenas17 » 12 Feb 2019, 07:17

Thanks.
I will try to insert a physical reaction.That is an excellent suggestion.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1176
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Awful Calls

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 13 Feb 2019, 18:37

Meenas. This is good work. Not knowing much about arranged marriages, it reads as if very real. You capture the voice of the arranger very well. I enjoyed this very much

meenas17
Posts: 683
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Awful Calls

#5 Post by meenas17 » 14 Feb 2019, 18:49

Arranged marriages have their pros and cons . The arranger is at the receiving end when there is tug of war between the husband and wife.
If they find harmony the arranger is conveniently forgotten.
That is how it is.
Thanks, Ken for reading and commenting.
meenas17

Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang”