The Eunuch. Revised

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1176
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

The Eunuch. Revised

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 15 May 2019, 20:39

Starless night in Thebes, I caught him.
A slave-boy , attempting to flee
through the moon gate. I bound
him with serpents, fed him Tuna
and honey-garlic, washed his body

with lime and pepper-water. He made
no sound at the blade. The names
of his unborn kiss my fingers
the way minnows announce
themselves in solitary bubbles
that break on the surface of a pond.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1366
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Eunuch

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 16 May 2019, 00:09

Loved
Starless night in Thebes, I caught him.
A slave-boy , attempting to flee
through the moon gate. I bound
him with serpents, fed him Tuna
and honey-garlic, washed his body

with lime and pepper-water

I am intrigued but a bit lost with the serpents..are they chains in the shape of serpents?

Is the kiss the bleeding? Sorry I’m in a bit of a fog this morning

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1176
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Eunuch

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 16 May 2019, 00:51

Whatever works for you, works for me

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1176
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Eunuch

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 25 May 2019, 16:34

Starless night in Thebes, I caught him.
A slave-boy making for
the moon gate. I put a ring
through his nose, bound him
with serpents, fed him Tuna
and honey-garlic until
he grew sleek, bathed him
with quicklime and pepper-water.


I sold him to the high priest
for a promise of favor from Horus
and seven casks of oil.
That night, he made no sound
at the blade. They will shave
his head and make him a litter
bearer when he comes into his own.


Sometimes, I hear the murmur
of his unborn, their names kiss
my fingers the way minnows
announce themselves with bubbles
that pop on the surface of a pond.

When I returned to the city,
my fakhir told me my grandsons
were taken in a raid. On the Nile,
there is a bird that stands in
a crocodile's mouth gleaning
the leavings from its teeth.
In a stasis of mutual need,
the beast does not bite.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1176
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Eunuch. Revised

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 25 May 2019, 16:34

REVISED

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1366
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Eunuch. Revised

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 25 May 2019, 19:56

The closing works better

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1176
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Eunuch. Revised

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 25 May 2019, 20:17

Thanks. I always value your input

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1366
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Eunuch. Revised

#8 Post by BobBradshaw » 25 May 2019, 21:27

As I yours

meenas17
Posts: 683
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: The Eunuch. Revised

#9 Post by meenas17 » 26 May 2019, 18:24

I value both your inputs, Ken and Bob.
meenas17

capricorn
Posts: 290
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: The Eunuch. Revised

#10 Post by capricorn » 28 May 2019, 02:52

This is a winner, Ken. Great revision.

Eira

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1176
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Eunuch. Revised

#11 Post by Kenneth2816 » 28 May 2019, 05:34

Thank you Eira. Means a lot coming from you

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1176
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Eunuch. Revised

#12 Post by Kenneth2816 » 16 Jun 2019, 02:23

Artificiall. Bump to boost the number of views because I'm a narcissist and you are all my source of supply

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