The Nestling (rev2)
The Nestling (rev2)
The Nestling (revision 2)
Hunched over the breathless body
tumbled from its sycamore
cradle, her mind takes flight.
He arrived quietly, entwined.
Voices hushed, they rushed
him away in a hospital blanket.
One glimpse
no caress
no goodbye
The attic keeps her secret
for forty years, a white shawl
folded in a dusty crib
Laying the naked hatchling
in a tea carton, with marigolds
and rosemary, she hums Rock-a-Bye.
Earth to earth
poppy seeds
scattered
Now buds bloom, crimson, she
wonders where he lies and what
he might have looked like.
---------------------------------------------
The Nestling (revision)
Hunched over the body
tumbled from its sycamore
cradle, her mind takes flight.
He arrived quietly, entwined,
voices hushed
they rushed him away
in a hospital blanket.
Just one glimpse,
no caress or goodbye.
The attic kept her secret,
a shawl folded in a tiny crib,
for forty years
She sings Rock-a-Bye
as marigolds and rosemary
scent the tea carton.
Earth to earth
When sycamore seeds twizzle down,
she wonders where he lies today
and what he might have looked like.
---------------------------------------------
St2&3 was
He arrived quietly, entwined,
wrapped in a hospital blanket.
The room hushed
as they rushed him away
with one glimpse
no caress or goodbye.
----------------------------------------------------
The Nestling (original)
Crouched over the breathless body
tumbled from its sycamore cradle,
reminiscences flew back.
He arrived quietly entwined in his lifeline,
hurriedly wrapped in a hospital blanket.
Voices hushed, they rushed him away.
One glimpse
no caress
no goodbye
When mother-bird calls from empty twigs.
grief swoops, gripping vulture-like, ripping
as mortal cries combine with avian.
Laying the featherless flesh and bones
in a tea carton, lined with rosemary
and marigolds, she hums Rock-a-Bye.
The attic kept her secret for forty years;
teddies dance in the barren crib on a white
shawl crocheted by her grandmother.
Earth to earth
poppy seeds
scattered
When buds bloom, crumpled crimson
she wonders, what he might look like
today, where is his tiny body nestled?
Hunched over the breathless body
tumbled from its sycamore
cradle, her mind takes flight.
He arrived quietly, entwined.
Voices hushed, they rushed
him away in a hospital blanket.
One glimpse
no caress
no goodbye
The attic keeps her secret
for forty years, a white shawl
folded in a dusty crib
Laying the naked hatchling
in a tea carton, with marigolds
and rosemary, she hums Rock-a-Bye.
Earth to earth
poppy seeds
scattered
Now buds bloom, crimson, she
wonders where he lies and what
he might have looked like.
---------------------------------------------
The Nestling (revision)
Hunched over the body
tumbled from its sycamore
cradle, her mind takes flight.
He arrived quietly, entwined,
voices hushed
they rushed him away
in a hospital blanket.
Just one glimpse,
no caress or goodbye.
The attic kept her secret,
a shawl folded in a tiny crib,
for forty years
She sings Rock-a-Bye
as marigolds and rosemary
scent the tea carton.
Earth to earth
When sycamore seeds twizzle down,
she wonders where he lies today
and what he might have looked like.
---------------------------------------------
St2&3 was
He arrived quietly, entwined,
wrapped in a hospital blanket.
The room hushed
as they rushed him away
with one glimpse
no caress or goodbye.
----------------------------------------------------
The Nestling (original)
Crouched over the breathless body
tumbled from its sycamore cradle,
reminiscences flew back.
He arrived quietly entwined in his lifeline,
hurriedly wrapped in a hospital blanket.
Voices hushed, they rushed him away.
One glimpse
no caress
no goodbye
When mother-bird calls from empty twigs.
grief swoops, gripping vulture-like, ripping
as mortal cries combine with avian.
Laying the featherless flesh and bones
in a tea carton, lined with rosemary
and marigolds, she hums Rock-a-Bye.
The attic kept her secret for forty years;
teddies dance in the barren crib on a white
shawl crocheted by her grandmother.
Earth to earth
poppy seeds
scattered
When buds bloom, crumpled crimson
she wonders, what he might look like
today, where is his tiny body nestled?
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Nestling
I like the metaphor. This poignant and unusual story works....nit: I don't know if you need entwined and wrapped both.
Re: The Nestling
Good catch, Bob, I have rearranged those 2 stanzas which seems to help.BobBradshaw wrote: ↑26 Jan 2020, 10:22I like the metaphor. This poignant and unusual story works....nit: I don't know if you need entwined and wrapped both.
Eira
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Nestling
Either way, just a superb piece
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Nestling
Eira, let me know whether you would like this poem or the Christmas poem nominated....
Re: The Nestling
Thanks Bob. My Christmas poem went in November (although it has been revised recently) I think I'll hold onto it and send it off somewhere nearer next Xmas.BobBradshaw wrote: ↑28 Jan 2020, 21:05Eira, let me know whether you would like this poem or the Christmas poem nominated....
This poem would be better. I have been looking at it again and want to bring back a few details I've missed out in revision. Please let me know if anything looks wrong now. Just going to post now
Eira
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Nestling (rev2)
Eira, you need to post this on the nomination page for ibpc
Re: The Nestling (rev2)
Thanks Bob, I didn't realise it had been seconded
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: The Nestling (rev2)
Eira
I seconded.I thought it was understood. Wish you all the best.Though I did not comment I have been following your revisions,which is a good exercise.
Siva
I seconded.I thought it was understood. Wish you all the best.Though I did not comment I have been following your revisions,which is a good exercise.
Siva
Re: The Nestling (rev2)
No problem Siva - I just didn't want to break any rulesSivaRamanathan wrote: ↑02 Feb 2020, 20:43Eira
I seconded.I thought it was understood. Wish you all the best.Though I did not comment I have been following your revisions,which is a good exercise.
Siva
Eira