The End

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

The End

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 24 Jul 2020, 22:46

v2:
The End

Our pastor swore The End was near.
I closed my accounts and counted my cash.
I went to the fridge, consoled a beer.

Crows gathered in trees and darkened the air.
Streets swam with marlin, sharks, and bass.
Our pastor swore The End was near.

We prayed. Black cats were everywhere.
Memphis zapped, in a lightning flash.
I went to the fridge, consoled a beer.

While comets blazed above Bel Air,
my neighbors drank. It was one last bash.
Our pastor swore The End was near.

Seas washed Chicago’s Navy Pier,
and Kansas drowned in a giant splash.
I went to the fridge, consoled a beer.

I clung to hope till my wife said, “Dear,
Mom’s moving in.” My world crashed.
Our pastor swore The End was near.
I went to the fridge, consoled a beer.

v1:
The End

Our pastor swore The End was near.
I closed my accounts and counted my cash.
I went to the fridge to grab a beer.

Crows gathered in trees and darkened the air.
Streets swam with marlin, sharks, and bass.
Our pastor swore The End was near.

We prayed. Black cats were everywhere.
Lightning zapped Memphis in a flash.
I went to the fridge to grab a beer.

While comets blazed above Bel Air,
my neighbors drank. It was one last bash.
Our pastor swore The End was near.

Seas washed Chicago’s Navy Pier,
and Kansas drowned in a giant splash.
I went to the fridge to grab a beer.

I clung to hope till my wife said, “Dear,
Mom’s moving in.” My hopes were dashed.
Our pastor swore The End was near.
I went to the fridge to grab a beer.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: The End

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 28 Jul 2020, 22:23

 
Hi Bob,

what's the name of this form?


Would workshop-hope for phasing fresher than this familiar: "My hopes were dashed." -
maybe even deviate from the expected (hoped for) rhyme; thus, a breaking from the pattern that serves to underscore the sense


Bob, Please represent the WB - with one of your current poems here

Your choice - Poet's Choice


Thanks, Bob

8)

Michael (MV)


 

 
 
 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The End

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 01 Aug 2020, 02:24

You’re right about the dashed line. Maybe “My world crashed”...
It’s a villanelle, only with tetrameter lines.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The End

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 04 Aug 2020, 22:00

tweaked a couple lines

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