Return of the fox revised

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Return of the fox revised

#1 Post by Billy » 19 Oct 2020, 01:08

revision

Return of the Fox

I haven't seen him, but he's there.
Crows caw at every turning leaf.
A smell of apples rotting.

White clouds like shadows
folding in and out of themselves.
It was not his intent to impart

any trace of foreboding.
He left home with no ill-will,
hopes to return before snowfall.


Return of the Fox

I haven't seen him, but he's there.
Crows caw at every turning leaf.
A smell of apples rotting.

White clouds spread across the sky
like coagulated blood.
It was not his intent to impart

any trace of foreboding.
He left home with no ill-will,
hopes to return before snowfall.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1230
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Return of the fox

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 19 Oct 2020, 18:10

Ike personification of the fox. Reads to me as if N wishes to be the fox, escape for a bit. Nice feel, Billy.

meenas17
Posts: 724
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Return of the fox

#3 Post by meenas17 » 19 Oct 2020, 18:40

White clouds spread across the sky
like coagulated blood.

this is poetry, Billy.
meenas17

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1705
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Return of the fox

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 20 Oct 2020, 02:47

 
the prodigal fox

foxy with the metaphor; and clever move to camouflage the fox after the title, so that it isn't seen in the text


8)

Michael (MV)
 
 
 

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Billy
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Re: Return of the fox

#5 Post by Billy » 20 Oct 2020, 19:30

Thanks Ken, Meenas, Michael

BobBradshaw
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Re: Return of the fox

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Oct 2020, 23:39

Good, quiet poem, but the “white clouds” spread like congealed blood doesn’t work for me.

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Billy
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Re: Return of the fox

#7 Post by Billy » 21 Oct 2020, 00:20

Thanks Bob, doesn’t work for me either.

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Billy
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Re: Return of the fox revised

#8 Post by Billy » 27 Oct 2020, 04:08

I changed it Bob

BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Return of the fox revised

#9 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 Oct 2020, 05:32

It’s better

Michael (MV)
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Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Return of the fox revised

#10 Post by Michael (MV) » 29 Oct 2020, 10:26

Yes, better,

for the change in clouds

😎

Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw wrote:
27 Oct 2020, 05:32
It’s better

meenas17
Posts: 724
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Return of the fox revised

#11 Post by meenas17 » 30 Oct 2020, 20:53

Whatever it be to others, it is a good poem for me.
meenas17

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