The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

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SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

#1 Post by SivaRamanathan » 14 Aug 2012, 20:09

Edit-3

The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

One evening I was playing,
running between trees
when Amma came up
with a rolled ball of my pinafore
and a hoard of relatives
walking behind saying,
`'Yes yes, it is the sure thing,
your daughter has rained
a shower of flowers.' And
the women dragged me inside,
congratulating unnecessarily.

I stood in a corner in a hut
of green coconut leaves
thatched by uncle and cousins
inside the Manacaud house;
meanwhile all the females
had buried my precocious uniform
lest the eyes of Garuda
fall on a tainted skirt.

Amma: mother
Manacaud: place name in Thiruananthapuram
Garuda: vehicle of Lord Vishnu(eagle)
Edit-2

The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

One evening I was playing,
running between trees
when Amma came up
with a rolled up ball of my pinafore
and a hoard of relatives
walking behind saying,
`'Yes yes, it is the sure thing,
your daughter has rained
a shower of flowers.' And
the women dragged me inside,
congratulating unnecessarily.

I stood in a corner, in a hut
of green coconut leaves
thatched by uncle and cousins
in a corner inside the house;
meanwhile all the females
had buried my precocious uniform
lest the eyes of Garuda
fall on a tainted skirt.



The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

One evening I was playing,
running between trees
when Amma came up
with a rolled up ball of my pinafore
and a hoard of relatives
came walking behind saying,
`'Yes yes, it is the sure thing,
your daughter has rained
a shower of flowers.' And
they dragged me inside,
congratulating unnecessarily.

I stood in a corner, in a hut
of green coconut leaves;thatched
by uncle and cousins
in a corner inside the house;
meanwhile all the females had buried
my precocious uniform
lest the eyes of Garuda
fall on a tainted skirt.

the pre-edited version


The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

One evening, at four-thirty or about
I was playing, running between trees
rather alone eagerly willing to exhaust my
self, before I would sit for Hindi lessons
in the open sky table chair set up by papa
just like the zoo chimp when amma
went up to the neighbours
with a rolled up ball of my pinafore and they
came walking, saying,'' Yes yes, it is the sure thing
`your daughter has rained a shower of flowers.'
And they dragged me inside, congratulating
unnecessarily. I was vexed, I stood in a corner,
they even made a hut of green coconut leaves
inside of the Manacaud house—I did not cry
could not afford to waste my tears, there would be
occasions in future when the dire need for tears
would come and there would be no stock.
But all was not lost the transition was like the waves
touching that Sri Rama we wrote in sands with fingers,
and then we would shoot prayers for the Shangumugam ,
the waves, the water, the spray would come very near,
hesitate as if Rama asked the sea not to.
After that it seemed as if the whole world was blue
coloured, purple pomegranates, and flowers
in lighter and darker shades of blue:
meanwhile they had buried
my precocious uniform inside the
brown earth lest the eyes of Garuda fall
on a tainted skirt.

FrankDyer
Posts: 227
Joined: 17 May 2011, 06:28

Re: The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

#2 Post by FrankDyer » 15 Aug 2012, 01:47

One evening I was playing,
running between trees
when amma came up [if Amma is used as a name, which is what you mean otherwise you would have said my amma - then the capital letter is used as in a name]
with a rolled up ball of my pinafore
and they came walking saying,
`'Yes yes, it is the sure
thing, your daughter has rained
a shower of flowers.' And
they dragged me inside,
congratulating unnecessarily. [congratulating me]

I stood in a corner, in a hut
of green coconut leaves;
meanwhile they had buried
my precocious uniform
lest the eyes of Garuda
fall on a tainted skirt. [the tainted skirt]

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 15 Aug 2012, 09:30

Frank
Thanks for reading.

they dragged me inside,
congratulating unnecessarily.
Look at the me in the previous line; one ‘me’ is enough.

on a tainted skirt.
I have used this in a general sense.

Amma I have used the capital and italicized

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