Requisicat in Stasis

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 813
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Requisicat in Stasis

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 02 Feb 2019, 19:10

It is no small thing
to watch your whole life
flash before my eyes,
the names of your unborn
kiss my fingertips.

I see you reading the Rig Veda
In original Sanskrit, hear the
symphony you composed
without ever hearing.

Your bicycle gathers rust in the yard
like a hen gently gathers her chicks.
I dare not move it as I dared
not remove the hospital bracelet
with your name misspelled.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1078
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Requisicat in Stasis

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 02 Feb 2019, 21:48

Wow, fabulous poem... the ending delivers a great punch but the entire piece works beautifully. Kudos!

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1390
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Requisicat in Stasis

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 04 Feb 2019, 22:38

I echo fabulous,
suggest you drop: 'original',
Sanskrit is enough to show.
suggest 'gathering' for the rust on the bicycle.

capricorn
Posts: 225
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Requisicat in Stasis

#4 Post by capricorn » 11 Feb 2019, 03:44

Wonderful poem, Ken, terrific last stanza.

I agree you could lose 'original'

Eira

Kenneth2816
Posts: 813
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Requisicat in Stasis

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 14 Feb 2019, 00:40

Thank you guys

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