Marooned

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1001
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Marooned

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 13 Feb 2019, 19:03

A pump in his pocket keeps him alive;
bilge of old sea water from a dying planet.

At night, he slips his human skin,hangs it
In the closet next to his one good suit.

They cut him open once to see the stuff
he was made of: an Indian head penny,

a yellow cats-eye marble and a locket
with a portrait of the queen.

Home is a light year and aeons ago,
he fell from the heavens like lightning.

Alone, he pulls the shades locks the doors
where he is free to be what he is,

a fish-faced monster with three eyes
who promptly at nine, with an unobstructed

view of the southern sky, sips Dewar's
on the balcony, listens to Mozart and waits

for the signal that never comes, the frequency
to trip a diode in his head, the sequence,

the count down to terminus.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1225
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Marooned

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 13 Feb 2019, 21:17

Good one. Don’t we all feel like outsiders? And mortal?
Love a monster who
sips Dewar's
on the balcony, listens to Mozart

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Billy
Posts: 905
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Marooned

#3 Post by Billy » 15 Feb 2019, 05:28

I actually like the first half better than the last. But I like the whole poem pretty much. Very good.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1001
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Marooned

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 17 Feb 2019, 16:39

Thank you both

SimonGlover
Posts: 1
Joined: 13 Feb 2019, 14:08

Re: Marooned

#5 Post by SimonGlover » 18 Feb 2019, 23:19

good one marooned. Keep it up

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1001
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Marooned

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 19 Feb 2019, 11:09

Thanks Simon. If you're not a troll, welcome to the forum 🎈

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1512
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Marooned

#7 Post by FranktheFrank » 20 Feb 2019, 23:26

I like this weird poem
weird creature that
sucks bilge water from his dying planet.
Great imagination, really good.

capricorn
Posts: 261
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Marooned

#8 Post by capricorn » 23 Feb 2019, 02:34

Brilliant poem, Ken. You have a great imagination.

'he fell from the heavens like lightning'.

I think we'll have to watch out next time there's a storm.

Eira

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1001
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Marooned

#9 Post by Kenneth2816 » 25 Feb 2019, 23:50

Thank you Eira.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1001
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Marooned

#10 Post by Kenneth2816 » 25 Feb 2019, 23:50

Ty Frank

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1524
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Marooned

#11 Post by Michael (MV) » 03 Mar 2019, 07:35

Hi kenneth,

How about a comma after "shades" -

Alone, he pulls the shades, locks the doors


and who for "what" -

where he is free to be who he is,


Or as -

where he is free to be himself,


just workshop-share; not conditional

😎

Michael (MV)

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1001
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Marooned

#12 Post by Kenneth2816 » 03 Mar 2019, 11:02

MV..good eye as usual

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