Known As Chettys

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meenas17
Posts: 656
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Known As Chettys

#1 Post by meenas17 » 04 Oct 2019, 18:44

Revised Version

North Eastward Ho!
a journey
on rough seas
in the year 1850.
by a trading community,

hundred of men,
a score of teen aged boys
hair closely shaven.
ash smeared on the forehead,
arms and body, the three lines
symbolizes Saivisim

Cooks, barbers, dhobis ,
carry the luggage in iron trunks.
The men roll a fair amount of cash
in a cloth,tie it around the waist,
being the capital for their business.
Lord Thandayuthapan, an idol,
is in the prayer box.

The vessel glides through.
As being a rule, women
stay home.In the middle
the sea turns violent
tosses, swirls and tries to overturn,
The men hold Thandyuthapani
close to their hearts, sprinkle ash
over their body and pray.

On the shore they make haste
foray into the mainland,master
the dialect, win the locals
by their mild manners.
In no time turn leaders
in their trade.

Their investment equals
'the British government's.
Accumulate huge wealth.
Enthused by the success many more
from home join them.
A golden era dawns
not only for the Chettys ,
Burma being hailed
as Rice Bowl Of Asia.

Japanese Invasion
brought the curtains down,
Apprehensive of dire eventuality,
they flee abandoning
'the temples they built,
the schools they established
the firms they set up,
lands they have acquired.

It is the same way as they came
shoving whatever cash they could
in a cloth tied to the waist,
rush to homeland,
Much defeated in spirit
and depleted in wealth,

The community like the phoenix
rises. Boys and girls acquire
educational excellence .
The sea faring spirit catches them
once again. This time, not as traders,
but as professionals, Find them now
in US, UK, Singapore, successful
and endearing.







0riginal

A small community
journeyed across the sea
seeking prospective
business in the
most unimaginable land,
Burma as it was unknown.

who braving turbulence
leaving the women at home
hundreds of them set sail
taking their grown up sons
along with barbers, cooks and dhobis
to help them in chores.

Setting business in a land
unknown,unable to understand
the language, amidst unfamiliar people
being a task, they transacted
business with phenomenal
success.

Enthused by their achievements
many more followed them
together they deviated from banking
to plantation, cultivation trading .
They spread all over Burma.
Came to be known as Chetty bankers.

Burma made a mark in the world map.
The Chettys deployed the gains
in establishing schools,
building temples dedicated
to Lord Muruga. Transferred
part of their profits to the family
and built palatial homes.


The golden period of Burma
came to an end when Japan
set foot on the soil. The Chettys
fled home leaving everything
lands, business, connections
with only a loin cloth to cover
them. Burma came under military regime

Disillusioned for a while
the enterprising community
made good of their savings
commenced business by selling
valuables and properties
in their own country.

The next generation
honed their skill.Education
took them to places. They
found jobs in United States,
Europe and Singapore.
A reward for
'the undaunted spirit.

Like a phoenix
the Chettys have
regained their prosperity.
Continue their charity
wherever they are,
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1102
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Known As Chettys

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 05 Oct 2019, 17:31

Fascinating. I think it's well written.

meenas17
Posts: 656
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Known As Chettys

#3 Post by meenas17 » 06 Oct 2019, 17:25

Thanks, Kent.
Your compliment means a lot.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1322
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Known As Chettys

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 07 Oct 2019, 00:34

Your best poems have good imagery...This one could be improved with some images and details... as an exercise, try writing each stanza around an image. Just a workshop suggestion....

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 987
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Known As Chettys

#5 Post by SivaRamanathan » 07 Oct 2019, 06:17

I fully agree with what Bob suggests.

meenas17
Posts: 656
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Known As Chettys

#6 Post by meenas17 » 07 Oct 2019, 14:02

The poem lacks the verve. I will try to improve, Bob.
Do not know how far I could go.
Anyhow.
Thanks, Bob.

Siva, the answer to you is the same.
I will attempt.
Thanks,
meenas17

meenas17
Posts: 656
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Known As Chettys

#7 Post by meenas17 » 09 Oct 2019, 18:05

Posted a revised version.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1322
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Known As Chettys

#8 Post by BobBradshaw » 09 Oct 2019, 20:04

This is terrific! I love the details, as in

hundred of men,
a score of teen aged boys
hair closely shaven.
ash smeared on the forehead,
arms and body, the three lines
symbolizes Saivisim

Cooks, barbers, dhobis ,
carry the luggage in iron trunks.
The men roll a fair amount of cash
in a cloth,tie it around the waist,

meenas17
Posts: 656
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Known As Chettys

#9 Post by meenas17 » 10 Oct 2019, 16:08

Bob, think I have revised to your satisfaction,
It can be still improved.
Will do later.
Thanks,
meenas17

judyt547
Posts: 42
Joined: 17 Jan 2013, 19:46
Location: middle of the woods
Contact:

Re: Known As Chettys

#10 Post by judyt547 » 15 Oct 2019, 18:51

Meenas, I think there are some extraneous bits that could be removed, and possibly tighten up the lines here and there:

one way to do that is to start with the bare bones: cut out all but the meat, making it as spare as possible, and then add
only what's needed for clarity . Sometimes we want to put in ALL the details, like a woman emptying her jewelry box and wearing all of it.
I'd like to see it in less of a history lesson mode. I agree with Bob, the descriptions are spot on, but I feel there's more explanation
than is necessary.
Some of the 'history' stanzas could be made briefer. They distract from the images you have of the journey, and they
could perhaps be incorporated into a different format or poem. Barring that, just saying "They became as rich/as Britain..."
lets a reader make his own images.

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