Heated Glass

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 1563
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Heated Glass

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 09 Jun 2020, 07:39

v2:
Heated Glass

You vanished into your own world--suddenly deaf
to my pleas, as if you’d dropped through a trap door.
Yet I hoped our marriage, like the glass leaf
that once fell from our highest shelf, could be restored.

I was prepared to work at it. Shattered glass
should never be tossed. In the right hands
a smattering of broken light can be blessed
with another kind of radiance.

You've moved from our bedroom to the attic’s dusk.
You come downstairs only when I have left.
You'll never again take a lover in the way glass,
heated, opens up to a glassblower's breath.

Boarded, your heart has no space for a guest.
Your footsteps in the attic are all I have left.


v1:
Heated Glass

You vanished into your own world--suddenly deaf
to my pleas, as if you’d dropped through a trap door.
Yet I hoped our marriage, like the glass leaf
that once fell from our highest shelf, could be restored.

I was prepared to work at it. Shattered glass
should never be tossed. In the right hands
a smattering of broken light can be blessed
with another kind of radiance.

You've moved from our bedroom to the attic’s dusk.
You're convinced, at your age, heart and flesh
can never be reshaped by someone’s touch.
You'll never again take a lover in the way glass,

heated, opens up to a glassblower's breath.
Your footsteps in the attic are all I have left.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Heated Glass

#2 Post by SivaRamanathan » 09 Jun 2020, 23:33

Will read in the morning,tomorrow.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Heated Glass

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 10 Jun 2020, 11:13

I see you have reworked this.I read it line for line.

You come downstairs only when I have left.


is definitely showing without these telling lines

You're convinced, at your age, heart and flesh
can never be reshaped by someone’s touch.'

and this,works

Boarded, your heart has no space for a guest.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1563
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Heated Glass

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 14 Jun 2020, 00:14

Thx, Siva. Your comments are helpful

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