Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

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SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

#1 Post by SivaRamanathan » 10 Jun 2020, 19:57

V2


Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

The Madras Terrace house was partitioned
into four huge portions with no concept
of attached bathrooms.

A year passed, and the house received a face lift;
a store room was transformed to a modern bath
like one of those rooms in the Kodaikanal Bungalow.

So the marriage got fixed. I have often wondered
why mirrors are a must, but an attached bathroom
is as if marriage revolved only in these two rooms.

The daughter-in-law entered the kitchen, small and neat
She wondered if her refrigerator would fit in
along with the round table given as a wedding present.

The grandmother was in a wheel chair
and she said how like her mother’s house it looked:
high ceiling, mahogany wood work, huge pillars:

'I am so full with memories, no need to re-visit'
and asked to be moved to the shade of the neem.

I keep thinking how long
will this old house stand before it gets pulled down.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


V1

Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

The Madras Terrace house was partitioned
into four huge portions with no concept
of attached bathrooms.

A year passed, and the house received a nose lift;
a store room was transformed to a modern bath
like one of those rooms in the Kodaikanal Bungalow.

So the marriage got fixed. I have often wondered
why mirrors are a must, but an attached bathroom
is as if marriage revolved only in these two room.

The daughter-in-law entered the kitchen, small and neat
She wondered if her refrigerator would fit in
along with the round table given as a wedding present.

The grandmother was in a wheel chair
and she said how like her mother’s house it looked:
high ceiling, mahogany wood work, huge pillars:

'I am so full with memories, no need to re-visit'
and asked to be moved to the shade of the neem.

I keep thinking how long
will this old house stand before it gets pulled down.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Madras Terrace house was partitioned
into four huge portions with no concept
of attached bathrooms.

A year passed, and the house received a nose lift;
a store room was transformed to a modern bath
like one of those rooms in the Kodaikanal Bungalow.

So the marriage got fixed. I have often wondered
why mirrors are a must, but an attached bathroom
as if marriage revolved only in these two room.

The daughter-in-law entered the kitchen, small and neat
She wondered if her refrigerator would fit in
and the round table given as a wedding present.

The grandmother was in a wheel chair
and she said how like her mother’s house it looked:
high ceiling, mahogany wood work, huge pillars:

'I am so full with memories, no need to re-visit'
and asked to be moved to the shade of the neem.

I keep thinking how long
will this old house stand before it gets pulled down.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1563
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 13 Jun 2020, 08:09

Good descriptions. Overall a good poem.

A couple suggestions:
1) nose lift s/b face lift
2) but an attached bathroom
as if marriage revolved only in these two room

sounds a bit off...should it be
but an attached bathroom is
as if marriage revolves only in these two rooms

and for this line
and the round table given as a wedding present.

the "and" should be replaced, maybe "along with the round table given as a wedding present"....

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 14 Jun 2020, 07:43

Bob
Thank you for suggestions to edit. I have changed all three but retained the 'nose lift' because 'face lift' sounds cliched

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1563
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 16 Jun 2020, 09:30

I like all of it except for this line. I guess my suggestion wasn't a good one. At any rate, "room" should be plural...and my question...are these two rooms referring to the bathrooms?

but an attached bathroom
is as if marriage revolved only in these two room

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1621
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

#5 Post by Michael (MV) » 16 Jun 2020, 16:32

Hi Siva,

Starting from the title, I remember your poem from a previous post. When?

Bob has made good observation & constructive workshop

😎

Michael (MV)

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

#6 Post by SivaRamanathan » 17 Jun 2020, 07:11

Bob,
Is this how you suggested --the 'as if ' part.Otherwise, can you redo it? The bedroom and the bathroom,are the two rooms. It is ' as if marriage revolved around these two rooms only.'
Siva

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

#7 Post by SivaRamanathan » 17 Jun 2020, 07:19

Michael

I have made the necessary changes. Thank you for reading.

Siva

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